We have a new book for you this month. “The Likeability Trap: How to Break Free and Succeed as You Are” by Alicia Menendez.
In The Likeability Trap, Alicia Menendez explores the double standards women face in leadership and the workplace. She highlights how women are expected to be both strong and agreeable, yet when they show confidence and assertiveness, they are often labeled as aggressive, unlikable, or difficult. On the other hand, if they prioritise being likable, they may be seen as less competent or too passive.
Menendez, a journalist and TV anchor, provides real-life examples, research-backed insights, and practical strategies to help women navigate this “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” dilemma while staying true to themselves.
Key Themes & Insights
1. The “Likeability Trap” – The Double Standard Women Face
🔹 Women in leadership or professional roles often feel pressure to be:
- Strong, assertive, and confident (to be seen as competent).
- Warm, nurturing, and agreeable (to be seen as likable).
🔹 The problem? These expectations conflict—if a woman is assertive, she may be seen as “too bossy,” but if she is too accommodating, she may not be taken seriously.
✅ Key Takeaway:
Women must understand these biases but not let them dictate their behaviour.
2. How Women Try to Navigate the Trap
Menendez identifies four common ways women try to deal with this challenge:
- The Workhorse – Works excessively hard to prove herself, hoping effort alone will be enough.
- The Perfectionist – Tries to avoid all criticism by making no mistakes, often leading to burnout.
- The Chameleon – Adapts personality and behaviour to fit expectations, losing authenticity in the process.
- The Peacekeeper – Avoids conflict to remain likable, even at the expense of her own success.
✅ Key Takeaway:
Trying to please everyone comes at a cost—women need to shift their focus from likability to respect and impact.
3. How to Redefine Success Without Seeking Constant Approval
🔹 Menendez encourages women to stop chasing universal approval and instead focus on:
- Earning respect rather than people-pleasing.
- Leading with authenticity rather than trying to fit expectations.
- Setting clear boundaries and standing by their values.
✅ Key Takeaway:
Women don’t have to sacrifice their authenticity to be successful.
4. Strategies to Overcome the Likeability Bias
🔹 The book offers practical tools to help women navigate workplace bias:
✔ Reframe Criticism – Instead of worrying about whether people like you, focus on whether they respect you and if your work is impactful.
✔ Use Direct Communication – Women often soften their language (e.g., “I just think…” or “Sorry, but…”). Instead, speak with clarity and confidence.
✔ Own Your Success – Women sometimes downplay their achievements to seem humble. Instead, take credit for your work unapologetically.
✔ Build a Strong Network – Instead of seeking approval from everyone, cultivate a trusted support system of mentors, sponsors, and allies.
✔ Challenge Workplace Norms – Organisations need to change outdated expectations around leadership. Menendez encourages advocating for structural change (e.g., challenging bias in performance reviews, leadership pipelines, etc.).
Why Should Women Read The Likeability Trap?
- It Exposes Hidden Biases That Hold Women Back – Many women don’t realise they’re stuck in the “likability vs. competence” trap. This book helps them see and break free from it.
- It Teaches Women How to Speak Up & Lead Authentically – Instead of constantly adjusting to please others, women learn how to communicate with confidence while staying true to themselves.
- It Provides Actionable Career Strategies – The book teaches negotiation, self-advocacy, and leadership techniques that help women thrive in male-dominated spaces.
- It Encourages Women to Let Go of People-Pleasing – Women often fear backlash when asserting themselves. This book teaches how to embrace power without fear.
- It’s Practical & Relatable – Menendez shares real-life stories from women in different fields, making it easy to apply these lessons to any career.
Final Thoughts
The Likeability Trap is a must-read for any woman who has ever been told she’s “too aggressive” or “too nice” at work. It offers empowering insights and actionable advice to help women break free from outdated gender expectations and lead with confidence and authenticity.
